As I suffer through the third week of my probably fatal cold, I’m dragging my near-expired carcass to the keyboard in defense of my fellow man. And by “man,” I mean M-A-N!
For too long, we’ve suffered the slings and arrows and smugness of our female significant others who insist that we’re just a bunch of whiny baby-heads every time we get a little sniffle. I, representing all men who wish to climb aboard the wah-wah-wagon, refute your hurtful assertions with… science!
According to Dr. Kim Templeton at the esteemed University of Kansas Hospital, the female sex hormone estrogen slows down how fast a virus multiplies, often reducing symptoms.
So, there! I knew it all along. We’re actually the weaker sex, but you sorta knew that all along. Dr. Templeton goes on to say that the part of the brain that leads to high fevers is larger in men because of that nasty stuff called testosterone. (She also adds that “research isn’t clear” but let’s not dwell on the fine print.)
I bet you feel bad now, don’t you? All those funny looks when we asked you to rub our toes and get us the bubble-gum flavored cough medicine seem just a little mean, don’t they? That’s OK, just don’t let it happen again. Speaking for my fellow Y-chromosomers, I can say that we are generally a forgiving bunch. As long as your mea culpas reflect true remorse, we’ll find it in our generous hearts to let you off the hook.
Please send your letters of apology care of this publication. When my condition improves to the point where my wife doesn’t have to bring me the special alphabet chicken soup with the letter G removed (G is for germ, ya’ know), I will respond and graciously accept those apologies deemed sincere.