Along with many of my failed career paths, I’m also quite the wanna-be inventor. OK, maybe “inventor” is a little ambitious. I’m more of an idea man. Here are a few of my babies that have yet to get off, or even to, the drawing board.
The Horticultural Game-Changer Everybody loves corn on the cob, right? But poor cauliflower, more often than not, ends up growing microbes in the back of the veggie bin. The solution? Cauliflower Ear! Beautiful florets of nature’s brain food grown on a corn cob. Dig in kiddos!
A Day at the Beach, Reinvented Everybody loves the beach, right? (This is my go-to opening line on any of my pitches to Mark Cuban and the gang.) But no one has come up with a sure-fire way to deal with that pesky rotation of the Earth, causing an uneven bronzing… until now. Say hello to the Tan-A-Round. Picture a turntable with a plush terry-cloth cover and you’ll get the gist of this magic creation! Thanks to a soon-to-be-perfected microchip, or something, Tan-A-Round follows the sun’s rays to ensure a dark even tan. Flip-A-Round sold separately.
Finally, an App You Can Really Use While most of us would never admit it, nearly 40 percent of all phone calls take place when one or both parties are on the potty. Well, say hello to the Mute-N-Flush! This handy-dandy app automatically senses when you, well, the name really says it all. It can also detect and reduce that tinny echo that occurs when sound waves bounce off the walls of bathroom stalls.
And don’t get any ideas, I plan on applying for patents on all of these, one of these days. Investor inquiries welcome.