There will be a turkey-less stuffed roast at our Thanksgiving table this year. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not replacing the traditional turkey, we just have a vegan-eater joining us this year. Another Thanksgiving tradition perverted.
To be (all-beef) frank, we’ve been serving up a version of this poultry imposter for a few years now. I just finally got up the nerve to come clean.
Traditions are changing. The annual Turkey Bowl, a spirited game of touch football pitting sibling against sibling, will soon be replaced by “Fortnite” (look it up; all the kids are playing it) or some other sedentary activity. What will dinner festivities be like without Uncle Kevin stretched out at the kid’s table, icing his hamstring and pounding the vino? It’s sacrilege, I tell you!
And while we’re on the subject of football, will anyone (besides me) even be watching the Detroit Lions suffer through their annual drubbing this year? It used to be standing room only in the family room with the kids spitting the pimentos from the green olives at one another. Now, the only way to tell that the kids are alive is to unplug the wireless router.
The pilgrims must be spinning in their handcrafted coffins.
I’m not against a little change, mind you. If you want to mix a few Mandarin orange slices in the cranberry sauce, be my guest. Mini marshmallows in place of normal-sized marshmallows atop the candied yams? Have at it! Heck, I might even deep-fry the bird this year.
But when it comes to the pillars of tradition, I’m drawing a line in the mashed potatoes. I demand real turkey, real football (both watched and played) and real tryptophan-induced afternoon naps. Oh, and I want mincemeat pie. Nobody makes that anymore, and dammit, I like it!
Regardless of your own traditions, or lack thereof, I wish you all a warm and happy Thanksgiving filled with heaping helpings of hugs, memories and love!