I love the idea of owning a restaurant, but it stops there. Having toiled as a waiter and owner of a small catering business in my youth, I’m pretty sure I couldn’t pull it off. But hey, fantasy is free. So here’s my concept for the perfect eatery.
A friendly staff is key, so my staff would have to be meticulously trained or at least heavily medicated to deal with the wide array of personalities and quirks of the picky public.
No matter the theme of my eatery, I’d always serve freshly made chips and salsa and they would be endless. I’m not a bread guy and I’m usually hangry when I sit down to dine. Nothing better than chips and salsa! Come to think of it, I might just medicate the salsa too.
Atmosphere is important, so I’d play Motown on the sound system. Lots of Gladys Knight and Smokey and the Four Tops. That’s some good eatin’ music. And not too loud either. Menus would be in large print. I like the idea of drawing on the table cloth, so every table would get crayons.
Sure, I’d have healthy items, but not too many… you’re eating out, for cripe’s sake. I’d always offer croutons on the side of salads because I hate croutons and always forget to delete them from my order. No iceberg lettuce. Rabbits don’t even like iceberg. Mashed potatoes would be thick and lumpy ‘cause that’s how my mommy made them.
Breakfast would be served at all hours and we’d be open early and late. Everybody loves breakfast and even picky kids will eat pancakes and probably scrambled eggs. I want to welcome kids. If you offer the crayons and pancakes, they won’t disrupt other customers.
Most importantly, I’d hire a really nice grandma to greet everyone. I might even put another grandma in the kitchen. If you sent back your food, you’d have to deal with grandma. It goes without saying that you’d get dessert only if you were in the clean-plate club!