Spouses are Like Houses
I thought it might be neat to commemorate Valentine’s Day by comparing your house to your marriage. Keep in mind that if you find either to be lacking, remodeling is nearly always cheaper than relocating. A wise man once told me that while only 27 percent of all husbands kiss their wives goodbye when leaving the house, nearly 95 percent kiss the house goodbye when leaving their wife.
Low Maintenance
I like a girl who spends less time getting ready to go out for dinner than she does eating it. I have similar views about my house. While I pride myself as a proficient putterer, if my leisure time is spent mowing, caulking, and cleaning, I’m not a happy guy.
I have some friends who enjoy puttering around the house, and they always have some kind of project going on. I theorize that they do so to keep busy while their wives are getting ready for dinner. To each his own.
But if you find yourself stressed by a never-ending to-do list, replace the lawn with rocks, hire a handyman, or move to a condo. Life is too short! As for the wife problem, consider ordering out more often.
Give and Take
For any relationship to thrive there has to be a little ebb and flow. If you expect your marriage or your house (or your community, for that matter) to be perfect, Old Man Reality is going to rough you up real good.
My wife puts up with my inappropriate body noises, my propensity for leaving my size 14s all over the house, and my cornball sense of humor. I, in turn, tolerate her locking me out of the house three to five times a week.
There is no such thing as a perfect house either. Maybe you gave up location for a better floor plan, or you could use another bathroom. Whether it’s your darling or your dwelling, focus on the positives. The grass is always greener until you have to mow it.
I’m off to get my sweetie a little something. Before I go, let me leave you with a short poem to wrap up this week’s column with a big red Valentines bow:
Partners are flesh, and
houses are wood.
If you desire their comfort,
best treat them both good!
